I recently went to a park for a couple of hours to gain greater perspective on our family’s current trial. I was feeling like I was breathing but not inhaling any oxygen. Have you every felt like that before? Have you ever felt like you were breathing and drowning at the same time? It is a weird and unsettling feeling; however, I was not willing to resign myself to the emotion. I needed to get out of the hospital. I needed some distance from the beeps, alarms, and flashing screens of the NICU ward. I needed some fresh air.
The outdoor air was great, but the scenery was frustrating. The beautiful day had attracted hundreds of people to the same park. Everywhere I turned, there were images of people enjoying the comfort of planned leisure. Some were jogging with ease. Others were seated on benches taking a Vitamin-D bath. Dogs galloped after frisbees. Collegians played catch dawning university-branded baseball caps. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the park in the way they had planned–everyone but me. I showed up not knowing what I was looking for. I wasn’t there at the park for leisure. I was there searching for answers to questions I could not articulate. I came to the park because I had a condition that the hospital couldn’t treat. My soul was bleeding.
I attempted to walk around with my invisible wound, but my legs finally got tired of over-compensating. I identified a nearby pavilion and surmised that a picnic table sounded like a good place to lay a burden down, so I meandered toward a table with a strange red box sitting on top of it. The box was made out of lunch-pail tin which made it seem old. But the brilliant red paint and perfectly inscribed words also made it seem new. It was awkward–more so because of its placement than its design. It was out in the open. It wasn’t secured in any way to the table. It just sat there waiting for a hurt person to use it, and I was that hurt person.
I played with the firetruck-red box for a few moments. I was mostly thankful for an intriguing distraction. I had never encountered such a unique first-aid kit, and for it to be unclaimed seemed so unlikely due to its well-kept nature. For this reason, I never opened it. I simply tilted it from side-to-side and listened to the contents scurry from one end to the other.
The activity didn’t make much sense; however, I gained much comfort from listening to the sound of gauze, bandages, and ointment skating over the smooth surface of tin. Hearing the remedies for a wound slide back and forth provided me with a solace I could have never anticipated. It was as if the contents of the kit represented a future healing that was headed my way. And that’s when it hit me; I knew what I was looking for: I was in search of a first-aid kit that could heal a wounded soul. This kit wouldn’t be tangible; it would have to be spiritual. I was bleeding on the inside, but the wound couldn’t be detected on a CT scan…my invisible hurt required an invisible band-aid because it was caused by an invisible arrow. One of Satan’s fiery darts had gotten passed my shield of faith. And now I needed an invisible physician to heal me.
Here is Jesher’s current medical report:
JAUNDICE–Today we noticed that Jesher’s sclera (or white part of the eye) has turned yellow. This means that his body, specifically his under-developed liver, is still struggling to filter out ‘bilirubin.‘ We need Jesher’s filtering system to develop faster than usual so that pockets of bilirubin do not threaten his eye sight or his brain functions. PLEASE ASK THE LORD TO BREATHE OVER JESHER AND ERADICATE THE HIGH LEVELS OF BILIRUBIN WHILE ALSO EXPEDITING THE DEVELOPMENT OF JESHER’S LIVER AND GALLBLADDER FUNCTIONS.
TESTING DAY–Each Monday, Jesher goes through major testing that helps the doctors and nurses chart his weekly care plan. PLEASE PRAY THAT YAHWEH WOULD PERSONALLY DIRECT AND GUIDE THE CARE PROVIDERS BY ENDOWING THEM WITH DIVINE WISDOM AND SUPERNATURAL ABILITIES TO HEAL.
As I sat at the table, applying pressure to my invisible injury, I slowly undulated the first-aid kit creating a rhythm. For some reason, the rhythm of the rotating contents brought to mind an old hymn–one of those prayer meeting hymns that we rarely sing anymore. I could only remember the tune, so I googled the lyrics and sang as I read:
Sometimes I feel discouraged / And think my work’s in vain / But then the Holy Spirit / Revives my soul again / There is a balm in Gilead / To make the wounded whole / There is a balm in Gilead / To heal the sin-sick soul.
A more perfect song could not have been sung in that moment. I finally knew what I was looking for. My bleeding soul could only be healed by one cooling salve, the Balm in Gilead. So may God grant my family access to this healing balm, because we are desperately in need of a few soul band-aids.
“For I will pour water on him who is thirsty, and floods on the dry ground; I will pour My Spirit on your descendants, and my blessing on your offspring.” Isaiah 44:3
15 thoughts on “Soul Band-Aids”
It’s ok to cry, to be sad, to feel wounded. God hears your heart. We are listening and sitting through the pain with you too. Oh how we all long for everything to be made new. And oh how we need strength for the next step, the next breath, the next moment. Abba! We lift up the Polite family. Send them the comforting sense of Your presence and peace, we pray! In Jesus’precious and powerful name, amen.
If we surrender our lives to His service, we can never be placed in a position for which God has not made provision. Whatever may be our situation, we have a Guide to direct our way; whatever our perplexities, we have a sure Counselor; whatever our sorrow, bereavement, or loneliness, we have a sympathizing Friend. If in our ignorance we make missteps, Christ does not leave us. His voice, clear and distinct, is heard saying, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” John 14:6. “He shall deliver the needy when he crieth; the poor also, and him that hath no helper.” – COL 173.1
“Jesus does not leave us alone to be crushed with burdens. He says, I know your tears, I also have wept, you are not forsaken, I love you – therefore trust Me”. Desire of Ages p 483
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are many angels around that crib that weep with you – as does Jesus. But He has a plan and is calling for your complete trust. Easier said than done huh! Your Wahroonga Church Family in Australia are constantly praying for you and sending much love and hugs. We can’t wait to meet your little man!
May the Comforter heal and cover Jesher Gabriel, you, and your bride. We are praying with and for you and the family! Thanks for your honesty. You are not alone and you are not crazy. Continue to cry out to Daddy!
Pastor Polite I’m praying for you and your wife and I know God is with you he said he would never leave you nor forsake in you. So I’m praying and asking for a miracle for the babies healing soon and very soon. Please keep your head up and keep the faith.
Our God is with you and your family.
Today was a rough day. It was just rough. I can hear your pain in the post. Praying for the Balm in Gilead to do what only HE can do.
Pastor Polite, we can feel your pain through your writing. We are holding you and your family up in prayer. The Balm in Gilead is hearing you and He will never leave nor forsake you. Stay encouraged.
I have been a silent follower but zealous pray-er from the time I was introduced to this blog from a fellow spouse of a seminarian. I want to thank you for the updates and the sharing of your heart with us. I have truly seen God at work through this whole ordeal. I know it has been quite the challenging journey for the two of you as new parents, (we as a group especially prayed for you-the parents tonight) but I praise God that He Is a refuge in times of trial! He IS our safe place. He never forsakes those that seek Him and because of that I will sing praises of thanksgiving to you oh God, even in this trial, for what the enemy has meant for evil, You oh God can turn to good.
On a side note…you are quite the writer! Praise God. You are blessing so many…and sharing God’s goodness in the midst of your pain. What a testimony. Thank you! May God continue to uphold you with His righteous right hand. Continued healing and prayers for your family, especially Jesher, as he fights on.
We are praying daily for you, Lhorraine and Jesher Gabriel.
You referenced “Balm In Gilead”. Take a listen. You might find that this arrangement will encourage your soul. Continued prayer.
At 1:43 am this morning I called on God on behalf of Jesher’s Jaundice and Testing Day and this song came to mind:
There’s a bright side somewhere…don’t you stop until you find it, there’s a bright side SOMEWHERE. Blessings!!
Just read your blog, and I couldn’t help but cry. But then I remembered a song my mother, your great grandmother and baby Jesher’s great, great grandmother use to sing frequently. “ Be not dismayed whatever betide, God will take care of you. Beneath His wings of love abide, God will take care of you……..,” I am praying for “tiny but mighty” his development, his organs and his warrior parents. God is able, you can continue to trust him. Breath……….
Remembering your family in prayer and in good thoughts.