A Jesher-sized Hole

I had an inaugural experience that I must share!  I got home-sick because I began missing my son.  In all transparency, I didn’t think this could happen to me.  Previously, there was only one human that could cause my heart to throb in this way–my wife Lhorraine.  Outside of her, only inanimate amenities could affect me so.  The comfort of my bed, the familiarity of my home, the routine of my schedule, the exclusiveness of my own space…these elements have wooed me back to my residence on countless occasions, but I did not anticipate this emotion occurring because of Jesher.  I never expected to feel the prick of emptiness resting in my stomach due to my desire to reunite with Tiny but Mighty

Hearing a parent admit that they don’t expect to miss their child (when away) might come off as cold or even cruel, so let me clarify.  I love my son.  I just didn’t envision my heart aching so much as a result of not seeing him.  I knew I would always have an interest in his progress and recovery, but I didn’t foresee how discontent I would be with over-the-phone updates serving as our only moments of connection.  The longer I was away, the more it was made apparent: A Jesher-sized hole has developed in my heart, and it only closes when Jesher-Gabriel is near.

I’ve heard other parents talk about missing their children, but, especially in the case of fathers, I thought they only shared this declaration to gain cool-points with respected peers.  I never reckoned how genuine these statements could be.  Now I know!  There are men out there who actually hurt when they are away from their family.  There are fathers out there who feel a pinch in their chest whenever they are separated from their children.  And there are dads out there who lead successful, itinerant lifestyles and, after years of practice, still struggle to focus while on the road.  It might be too early to draw a definitive conclusion, but I think I’m becoming one of those fathers.  Actually, I might already have become one of those dads. It’s clear that my son now owns a corner of my heart.  I’m just a bit confused because I can’t figure out how he acquired it without spending a dime.

Here is Jesher’s current medical report:

EIGHTH FLOOR–On this past Sunday, Jesher was moved to the eighth-floor and placed in a crib!  Not only is the crib a significant milestone, but the floor number is also quite significant.  Jesher was supposed to be moved into the garden wing of the NICU facility.  This wing is reserved for babies who are improving but still require a very watchful eye to oversee their care.  This wing is on the seventh floor; however, when we received news of his transfer, they informed us that Jesher is being listed as a stable baby and will be moved to the eighth floor where he will continue to have his weight and feeding monitored.  PLEASE TAKE TIME TO PRAISE YAHWEH FOR WARRING ON OUR SON’S BEHALF…JESHER’S CHANCES OF A FULL RECOVERY ARE INCREASING WITH EACH PASSING DAY, AND WE KNOW IT IS THE RESULT OF THE COLLECTIVE PRAYERS BEING LIFTED FOR HIM.

BREATHING–Jesher is now off of breathing support!  Over the past 72 hours, the doctors noticed that Jesher kept pulling-out his nasal cannulas, resulting in short periods when he would not have any breathing aid.  And yet, Jesher’s oxygen saturation levels would not fall.  So, due to Jesher’s obvious annoyance with the apparatus (and his strong vitals signs), they opted to let him try breathing on his own.  Thus far, he loves it!  He is breathing with saturation levels in between 94-100% and is looking a whole lot less irritated.  PLEASE TAKE TIME TO PRAISE THE LORD FOR GIVING JESHER THE BREATH OF LIFE!  ASK GOD TO SEND ANGELS TO SING OVER JESHER, CREATING A DIVINE BREEZE OF HEAVENLY AIR OVER HIS CRIB.

FIBROSIS–It has been confirmed that Jesher does have pulmonary fibrosis [a condition where his lung tissue has suffered a great deal of scarring and thickening].  This was caused by the breathing support Jesher has been on for the past twelve weeks.  Because a preemies lungs are not fully developed, they can easily sustain injuries due to the level of pressure being pumped-in (via a oscillator or ventilator) or due to the increased levels of oxygen that is required to maintain proper carbon dioxide levels.  PLEASE ASK YAHWEH TO COMPLETELY RESTORE JESHER’S LUNGS BEFORE HE IS DISCHARGED.  ASK GOD TO SET UP A STANDARD AGAINST ALL DISEASES, DEFICITS, OR DISORDERS.

I was so electrified by the thought of seeing my son again that I couldn’t resist wearing the below-pictured shirt to the airport.  I wanted to wear it because I’m proud of him.  I also wanted to wear it because it represents a strange irony.  It depicts Jesher flying around in his own spaceship although he hasn’t gone anywhere for over two months, but I boarded my plane hoping that the 747 had enough fuel to help me catch up with ‘Starship Jesher.’  I told the pilot that I didn’t want my son to fly around in his spaceship without his dad sitting by his side in the cockpit.

“God, Himself, gives everyone life and breath and everything else.  God did this so that [we] would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from any one of us.”  Acts 17:25, 27

This shirt was designed by Ev Milliner. She says she was inspired to draw the image after reading the post “Spaceships and Sunglasses.” https://www.etsy.com/listing/602461074/starship-jesher-fundraiser-t-shirt?ref=shop_home_active_1




20 thoughts on “A Jesher-sized Hole

  1. I sit here in prayer at 12:42a Tuesday morning. I just felt I needed to be with God one more time before closing my eyes. So I’ve read and prayed and decided to check any messages before I turn off my phone for. God has answered prayer and wow I’m so so so grateful. Jeshers beginning will prove to be a lifelong testimony. God is so good, God is so good, God is so good He’s so good to us!


  2. Pastor Michael, I hear a sermon brewing . . .
    The hole in God’s heart . . . What He must have felt while separated from His Son . . .
    The hole in Jesus’ heart . . . What He feels being separated from us . . .
    You work on the sermon and I’ll work on writing the song 🙂
    Continued prayers from the Murphy’s


  3. I am praising God for the positive direction Jesher is going in. We will continue to watch God’s healing power. He is the Great Physician and HE NEVER FAILS🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾


  4. Hallelujah!!!!! We’ve been eagerly awaiting an update and presumed that no news is good news! This is wonderful news! We will continue to pray for the complete healing of his lungs!


  5. PRAISE GOD!!!! I’m inspired and moved by Jesher’s will to thrive and God’s mighty hand in the midst of it. You two are also warriors and am excited to meet Jesher some day in the near future.


  6. Jesher is wonderfully blessed and highly favored! Praising God for all that he’s done and doing!!!


  7. I’m just thanking God and praising Him for His healing power. When praising go up healing comes down. Pastor Polite you and your wife know that God is with your baby and He is working everything thing out. Our God is with u and your family. He will do what u ask for. I’m praying for u all. Blessings. 🙏🙏🙏


  8. Dude, I have not been able to respond to your updates. But our prayer team continues to lift up young Jesher!! I just applauded God’s goodness in my office!!! PRAISE YAHWEH!!


  9. I couldn’t sleep and was instead moved to do my devotion and pray for Jesher. After reading this post, I give God glory for the miracles he continues to show in Jesher’s life. To hear that he has moved into a crib and onto a different floor is a testimony of what God is doing. This baby is a fighter and at the end if the day he will prevail with God’s help. I can’t wait to meet this Tiny But Mighty person. Continue to be encouraged. Continue to stay strong. Soon Jesher will be going home 🙂


  10. To God be the glory! I am so grateful to God for Jesher’s progress! May God continue the work He has begun as He promised. Praise the Lord!


  11. Thank you for the update. My brother as you have found out that there is a difference between head and heart knowledge. C.S. Lewis wrote about the topic of pain in two books. In his first book about pain he wrote what he thought he knew. The second book was after his wife died when he had experienced pain. I am glad that you have that emptiness. I hope that that hole will soon be filled. It is good to hear that your son is moving upward in the hospital and moving up in physical function without so many man made aides.




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